A reader just told me of a letter which was recently written to Dear Abby asking how much money is appropriate for a guest to spend on a wedding present. The bride-to-be/good friend was not-so-gently reminding her guest of the amount being spent per person and how she was looking to "recouping" the cost at her wedding with monetary gifts. Abby's answer was to "take the bull by the horns" and spell out for the "good friend" her financial situation and that she most likely would not be coming up with the "entrance fee." Abby told her that if she felt her friendship might be terminated, it would be anyway since the amount she would give would most definitely not be up to the bride's expectations.
I recently heard of someone receiving an invitation with the words "suggested donation: $350." Yikes! Is this something anyone else has experienced? If so, how did you handle this? What are your thoughts on this subject?
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6 comments:
Party Lady:
I have heard of a few invites for weddings and showers asking for cash and it is sooo appalling, but apparently getting more common. Let's hope this is a passing trend. Aside from that, if you haven't been to a wedding in recent years, how do you decide the appropriate cash gift?
I think it has a great deal to do with the relationship you have with the couple. Are they family, friends, neighbors, co-workers? You should give what you can afford to give. Readers, what do you think?
Cash gifts may indeed be very appropriate if the couple already has an established household and doesn't need the usual dishes, linens, etc. I think of this in regard to my son's upcoming wedding this fall. But I think it would be in very bad taste to specify the amount that a guest is expected to give.
As you suggested, the monetary value of a gift depends on many factors, including the closeness of the relationship, the distance the guest must travel, the guest's family circumstances, etc. A considerate bride shouldn't be offended if she receives nothing more than a pair of potholders from a second cousin from Sheboygan with triplets and another baby on the way.
If I were asked to send cash in lieu of a gift, I would figure out something nice that I would like to buy for the couple and send them a roughly equivalent amount in cash.
Very good points, Susan. I would rather not be told what to give. I like the option of giving a gift that I think they would enjoy (after checking out their registry) or else sending a check in the amount I had in mind. For this reason I like to see a registry with lots of options and different price points.
Good luck with your son's wedding this fall!
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